THE OBAMA-NATION REVISITED:
THE BLAME DOG GAME OF WHOEVER SMELT IT, DEALT IT: THE VIEW FROM THE VIRGIN
ISLANDS
The State of the Union is nigh upon
us again - a time to reflect back on the year that was - and look forward to
the year - and the future - that still is - possible.
But looking farther back, after the
first such address – the administration had taken steps to counter "The
Great Depression II (The Sequel)” and President Obama said that he was shocked,
shocked that "they talk about me like [I'm] a dog."
Still, no one actual person actually
said that specific phrase on the record - and for attribution.
So at long last - and, by popular
demand – just hours before the State of the Nation Address - President Obama
gets his! I'm going to do him the service of formally calling him "a
dog" in print - (easier to track if you're the NSA spying on its own
citizens - especially if the column itself originates in cyberspace).
And as a Liberal Democrat (with
moderate tendencies) - it carries more Chris Christie weight - what F. Scott
Fitzgerald liked to call "leverage."
And I'm not going to say this was
all a "dream" sequence at the end of it and that it was actually the
Red Chinese calling us all Running Dogs of American Imperialism.
In other words, this ain't no "Family Guy" episode - no
animals living or cartoon - will be harmed in the writing of this column. Nor
is it a party, a disco or a "fooling around" of any kind. And if I
start dressing like a housewife, or a student, not only will I owe royalties to
Eddie Izzard or David Byrne, but we'll all know that that's not allowed.
(Tapping phone lines - that was also not allowed at the time that Talking Heads
song was popular - but that was all pre-Big Brother NSA.)
Now, first of all, the Vice
President, Mr. Joe Biden, makes his Christmas and New Year's vacations (like
Martha Stewart does) in St. Croix. While Mr. Obama vacations in his native
Hawaii (which is also part of the United States unless you are a birther named
The Donald.) Trump this, you're fired!
So right off the old bat (no offense
Martha), we've got a bone to pick with the President.
President Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary spent a Christmas or two in St.
Thomas, all very cool and in the gang if you're a Virgin Islander. Before them,
former V-P Al Gore and his wife Tipper vacationed in Charlotte Amalie (the only
major world city named after a female leader).
So naturally, we'd be a bit miffed,
I mean we traded up when we went from Alipper to Billory - only to go from
President to Vice President in 2009 (no offense Joe, you're still welcome back
this year! I've got a cold
"Greenie" on ice waiting for you at the Sally's Fancy Sportsman’s
Club on the South Shore.)
Meanwhile, I won't be the first
Progressive to have called out the President, though. Oliver Stone called Mr.
Obama "a snake" over the internecine tracking of phone calls by the
NSA. Fellow writer David Mamet said he, too, was “no longer a brain-dead
Liberal" (although he said it before the President was actually elected,
so it would be difficult to ascertain his actual criticism of Mr. Obama.)
Director Michael Moore took issue with Obamacare, saying it was an obamanation
- good only if it led to a single-payer plan.
It used to be - when you graduated
from college - and you went for a big interview, say with FoMoCo (Ford Motor
Company for you non-native Detroiters) the smart HR execs used to ask: "If
you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be? And
why?"
Oh, boy. One of my best friend's
wives (as opposed to "Best Friend's Girlfriend" by The Cars) answered
that question honestly, saying that if she had to choose an animal it would
probably be a loving, protective, faithful dog like her dear pet, "Cujo"
-
[Buzzer gong sound] Wrong answer!
You're fired again, Donald Trump! (Offense intended).
You see, what they wanted you to say
in The Interview, is that you see yourself as a predatory jungle cat, ready to
pounce on prey big and small - to make more money for FoMoCo. What they ask now
- and what they want you to answer - I can only wonder.
In those days, you couldn't just Google "questions they might ask in a job
interview."
And today, if you said in a job
interview that you saw yourself as a dangerous lion or tiger on the hunt for
fresh meat and blood - they'd probably put you on full Dahmer Alert, call
security, strip search you twice, hose you down and frog march you out of the
building with a Hannibal Lector mask on. Not bad for a night in Las Vegas, but
for a gentle lamb like yourself in a quiet, simple job interview, it would be
nothing to keep silent about.
Which brings us back to Chris
Christie and Donald Trump (no, not The Donald, he was fired) and what Americans
want in a President. Honesty? Might be a good starting point. But, staying with
this going-to-the-dogs theme - if Americans had to - I mean absolutely had to -
(no choice) - choose a type of dog to be their President, what type of dog
would it be?
My contention is that Americans
would NOT choose a pit bull (no offense Pit Bull - the Miami-based rapper for
you folks born before 1980) but rather a German shepherd. The only bad thing
you can say about a German shepherd, is that one of them was Hitler's dog, but
that's not really the dog's fault. And
if you saw the brilliant movie "Downfall,” you know even
"Blondie" got executed. John Gotti had a mastiff, which are huge
prehistoric-looking Great Dane-like animals - and old Adolf used Rottweilers to
guard his "prison" camps, maybe as a conservative cost-cutting
measure.
Sorry, I just saw a promo for Martin
Bashir's new show on a faux cable TV network. [WAS HE REALLY FOAMING AT THE
MOUTH? Or was that like the Devil Baby FX (“Devil’s Due” movie trailer) on
YouTube?]
Anyway, Americans want their
Presidents to be more like German shepherds than pit bulls. They want them to
catch security threats - but have the presence of mind to un-tooth them upon
command - not bite down hard and release when euthanized.
Of course, H.W. took this to extremes
with Saddam Hussein. Catch and release might be sporting news for fish, but
with genocidal dictators it was a Schwarzkopf too far. Mr. Obama is the perfect German shepherd
Président on paper, although he turned out to be judge, jury, executioner and mortician
at sea. W. was: “What dog? I've been looking for eight years!” (And the dog ate
my homework.) Clinton was: a pit bull in wolf's clothing. Reagan was: Tear down
this wall, because that dog can't hunt! Carter was: well, Jimmy had a cat.
Nixon was a pit bull. Chris Christie is a pit boss bully alley cat, because
there is only one animal that toys with its prey after capturing it. So we can
see which President he is setting up to most be like - let's just hope he
doesn't griddle on the White House roof.
My two favorite Republicans, Chris
Christie before Bridgegate and Mike Huckabee before Libido-Gate, have left me
wondering if foot-in-mouth disease doesn't have something to do with being
bitten by a rabid dog? [Since you're having fun with this, Sarah Palin has many
canine qualities, (one is a five-letter word that begins with a "b"
and ends with you scratching your head (because you have an "itch")
but she is officially classified scientifically as a "wild-eyed hyena"
(genus slapus on the gluteus maximus) - and the Arkansas Governor-Preacher
(M.H.) is a sloe-eyed sloth.]
So when you add it all up, what do
we gain by name-calling? As the late Rodney King said: “Can't we all just get
along?" And in a way, he was right, because we should all strive to live
in peace, harmony and happiness. But in another sense, he's wrong. Because
all's we've been doing all along (the watchtower) is going along UNDER THE
GUISE OF GETTING ALONG.
And now, just to mix in a whole slew
of zoo allusions and mixed metaphors, the crows have come home to roost. It was
wrong when Malcolm X said that about JFK's assassination, and it felt wrong -
even just looking at them - when Van Gogh painted them into one of his last
paintings.
The point being, if we are going to
reap what we sow, why not start planting good seeds today? The same old tired
advice givers, putting bugs in the oversized ears (if you read political
cartoons) of the Chief Executive, running the same old dog and pony show - it
might be good enough to win Westminster Kennel Club honors in New York (in Sean
Hannity's old offices now that he's moved to Florida over Governor Cuomo's
pro-choice comments) but it's not good enough for us as loyal Americans.
So just when I thought it was
getting better, it's actually getting worse. While I was watching TV, writing
this column, Mr. Bashir just had another Homer Simpson-like "Doh!"
moment. Oh, no he di'n’t. Oh, yes he did. I'm trying to scribble down
everything Martin is saying, but it appears he's headed for another "Tenth
Avenue Freeze Out" just like the New Jersey Governor, because Bashir said
that Christie, being a rather large man mesomorphically-speaking,
"Houdini-like, made the smoking cone disappear somewhere on the Dark Side
of the Moon."
So it appears, then, that Martin
Bashir will be fired all over again. Oh great, and over such a silly thing,
really, because we all know Christie is a fan of Springsteen - not Pink Floyd.
But all in all, it's just another
brick in the Berlin wall.
Mr. Obama's handlers trotted the
President-to-be out in Germany in 2008 so that we could all be RE-inspired by
John F. Kennedy's "Ich Bin Berliner" speech - and we were all
appropriately inspired. He said then we are “a world that stands as one.” He
was right then and he is right now. And who (besides Rush Limbaugh) was not
inspired by President Obama's speech at Nelson Mandela's funeral? Remember the
loud roar of the crowd? Goose pimples. Right?
If America leads the world, why
can't President Obama lead from a world stage? If he is being jeered at home,
why not take the show on the road where he is loved and adored by millions --
and where he would be cheered? (My only advice would be not to stand too close
to the guy who looks like he doesn't know how to do sign language next time.)
We are facing exceptional challenges
in this new century, America is fighting not to become Rome Redux. We have an
exceptional new generation leader to lead us.
This is not a time for him to be
playing follow the leader. It is a time for him to be giving commands and
taking command. Will the tail wag the dog, or the dog wag the tail in the last
half of Mr. Obama's second term?
Never forget it is the Year of the
Horse. Let not the Democratic donkey be called an ass.
After dog comes duck in the
name-calling business - as in lame duck.
If you lead, we will follow.
© 2014 Secret Goldfish Publishing House/John Francis McCarthy
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