THE FOURTH STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS BY PRESIDENT OBAMA: WHAT TO EXPECT: A PROFESSIONAL JOURNALIST WEIGHS IN

THE OBAMA-NATION REVISITED: THE BLAME DOG GAME OF WHOEVER SMELT IT, DEALT IT: THE VIEW FROM THE VIRGIN ISLANDS
 
    The State of the Union is nigh upon us again - a time to reflect back on the year that was - and look forward to the year - and the future - that still is - possible.
    But looking farther back, after the first such address – the administration had taken steps to counter "The Great Depression II (The Sequel)” and President Obama said that he was shocked, shocked that "they talk about me like [I'm] a dog."
    Still, no one actual person actually said that specific phrase on the record - and for attribution.
    So at long last - and, by popular demand – just hours before the State of the Nation Address - President Obama gets his! I'm going to do him the service of formally calling him "a dog" in print - (easier to track if you're the NSA spying on its own citizens - especially if the column itself originates in cyberspace).
    And as a Liberal Democrat (with moderate tendencies) - it carries more Chris Christie weight - what F. Scott Fitzgerald liked to call "leverage."
    And I'm not going to say this was all a "dream" sequence at the end of it and that it was actually the Red Chinese calling us all Running Dogs of American Imperialism.
    In other words, this ain't no "Family Guy" episode - no animals living or cartoon - will be harmed in the writing of this column. Nor is it a party, a disco or a "fooling around" of any kind. And if I start dressing like a housewife, or a student, not only will I owe royalties to Eddie Izzard or David Byrne, but we'll all know that that's not allowed.
(Tapping phone lines - that was also not allowed at the time that Talking Heads song was popular - but that was all pre-Big Brother NSA.)
 
    Now, first of all, the Vice President, Mr. Joe Biden, makes his Christmas and New Year's vacations (like Martha Stewart does) in St. Croix. While Mr. Obama vacations in his native Hawaii (which is also part of the United States unless you are a birther named The Donald.) Trump this, you're fired!
    So right off the old bat (no offense Martha), we've got a bone to pick with the President.
President Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary spent a Christmas or two in St. Thomas, all very cool and in the gang if you're a Virgin Islander. Before them, former V-P Al Gore and his wife Tipper vacationed in Charlotte Amalie (the only major world city named after a female leader).
    So naturally, we'd be a bit miffed, I mean we traded up when we went from Alipper to Billory - only to go from President to Vice President in 2009 (no offense Joe, you're still welcome back this year!  I've got a cold "Greenie" on ice waiting for you at the Sally's Fancy Sportsman’s Club on the South Shore.)
    Meanwhile, I won't be the first Progressive to have called out the President, though. Oliver Stone called Mr. Obama "a snake" over the internecine tracking of phone calls by the NSA. Fellow writer David Mamet said he, too, was “no longer a brain-dead Liberal" (although he said it before the President was actually elected, so it would be difficult to ascertain his actual criticism of Mr. Obama.) Director Michael Moore took issue with Obamacare, saying it was an obamanation - good only if it led to a single-payer plan.
 
    It used to be - when you graduated from college - and you went for a big interview, say with FoMoCo (Ford Motor Company for you non-native Detroiters) the smart HR execs used to ask: "If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be? And why?"
    Oh, boy. One of my best friend's wives (as opposed to "Best Friend's Girlfriend" by The Cars) answered that question honestly, saying that if she had to choose an animal it would probably be a loving, protective, faithful dog like her dear pet, "Cujo" -
    [Buzzer gong sound] Wrong answer! You're fired again, Donald Trump! (Offense intended).
    You see, what they wanted you to say in The Interview, is that you see yourself as a predatory jungle cat, ready to pounce on prey big and small - to make more money for FoMoCo. What they ask now - and what they want you to answer - I can only wonder.
In those days, you couldn't just Google "questions they might ask in a job interview."
    And today, if you said in a job interview that you saw yourself as a dangerous lion or tiger on the hunt for fresh meat and blood - they'd probably put you on full Dahmer Alert, call security, strip search you twice, hose you down and frog march you out of the building with a Hannibal Lector mask on. Not bad for a night in Las Vegas, but for a gentle lamb like yourself in a quiet, simple job interview, it would be nothing to keep silent about.
    Which brings us back to Chris Christie and Donald Trump (no, not The Donald, he was fired) and what Americans want in a President. Honesty? Might be a good starting point. But, staying with this going-to-the-dogs theme - if Americans had to - I mean absolutely had to - (no choice) - choose a type of dog to be their President, what type of dog would it be?
    My contention is that Americans would NOT choose a pit bull (no offense Pit Bull - the Miami-based rapper for you folks born before 1980) but rather a German shepherd. The only bad thing you can say about a German shepherd, is that one of them was Hitler's dog, but that's not really the dog's fault.  And if you saw the brilliant movie "Downfall,” you know even "Blondie" got executed. John Gotti had a mastiff, which are huge prehistoric-looking Great Dane-like animals - and old Adolf used Rottweilers to guard his "prison" camps, maybe as a conservative cost-cutting measure.
    Sorry, I just saw a promo for Martin Bashir's new show on a faux cable TV network. [WAS HE REALLY FOAMING AT THE MOUTH? Or was that like the Devil Baby FX (“Devil’s Due” movie trailer) on YouTube?]
    Anyway, Americans want their Presidents to be more like German shepherds than pit bulls. They want them to catch security threats - but have the presence of mind to un-tooth them upon command - not bite down hard and release when euthanized.
    Of course, H.W. took this to extremes with Saddam Hussein. Catch and release might be sporting news for fish, but with genocidal dictators it was a Schwarzkopf too far.  Mr. Obama is the perfect German shepherd Président on paper, although he turned out to be judge, jury, executioner and mortician at sea. W. was: “What dog? I've been looking for eight years!” (And the dog ate my homework.) Clinton was: a pit bull in wolf's clothing. Reagan was: Tear down this wall, because that dog can't hunt! Carter was: well, Jimmy had a cat. Nixon was a pit bull. Chris Christie is a pit boss bully alley cat, because there is only one animal that toys with its prey after capturing it. So we can see which President he is setting up to most be like - let's just hope he doesn't griddle on the White House roof.
    My two favorite Republicans, Chris Christie before Bridgegate and Mike Huckabee before Libido-Gate, have left me wondering if foot-in-mouth disease doesn't have something to do with being bitten by a rabid dog? [Since you're having fun with this, Sarah Palin has many canine qualities, (one is a five-letter word that begins with a "b" and ends with you scratching your head (because you have an "itch") but she is officially classified scientifically as a "wild-eyed hyena" (genus slapus on the gluteus maximus) - and the Arkansas Governor-Preacher (M.H.) is a sloe-eyed sloth.]
    So when you add it all up, what do we gain by name-calling? As the late Rodney King said: “Can't we all just get along?" And in a way, he was right, because we should all strive to live in peace, harmony and happiness. But in another sense, he's wrong. Because all's we've been doing all along (the watchtower) is going along UNDER THE GUISE OF GETTING ALONG.
    And now, just to mix in a whole slew of zoo allusions and mixed metaphors, the crows have come home to roost. It was wrong when Malcolm X said that about JFK's assassination, and it felt wrong - even just looking at them - when Van Gogh painted them into one of his last paintings.
    The point being, if we are going to reap what we sow, why not start planting good seeds today? The same old tired advice givers, putting bugs in the oversized ears (if you read political cartoons) of the Chief Executive, running the same old dog and pony show - it might be good enough to win Westminster Kennel Club honors in New York (in Sean Hannity's old offices now that he's moved to Florida over Governor Cuomo's pro-choice comments) but it's not good enough for us as loyal Americans.
    So just when I thought it was getting better, it's actually getting worse. While I was watching TV, writing this column, Mr. Bashir just had another Homer Simpson-like "Doh!" moment. Oh, no he di'n’t. Oh, yes he did. I'm trying to scribble down everything Martin is saying, but it appears he's headed for another "Tenth Avenue Freeze Out" just like the New Jersey Governor, because Bashir said that Christie, being a rather large man mesomorphically-speaking, "Houdini-like, made the smoking cone disappear somewhere on the Dark Side of the Moon."
    So it appears, then, that Martin Bashir will be fired all over again. Oh great, and over such a silly thing, really, because we all know Christie is a fan of Springsteen - not Pink Floyd.
    But all in all, it's just another brick in the Berlin wall.
    Mr. Obama's handlers trotted the President-to-be out in Germany in 2008 so that we could all be RE-inspired by John F. Kennedy's "Ich Bin Berliner" speech - and we were all appropriately inspired. He said then we are “a world that stands as one.” He was right then and he is right now. And who (besides Rush Limbaugh) was not inspired by President Obama's speech at Nelson Mandela's funeral? Remember the loud roar of the crowd? Goose pimples. Right?
    If America leads the world, why can't President Obama lead from a world stage? If he is being jeered at home, why not take the show on the road where he is loved and adored by millions -- and where he would be cheered? (My only advice would be not to stand too close to the guy who looks like he doesn't know how to do sign language next time.)
    We are facing exceptional challenges in this new century, America is fighting not to become Rome Redux. We have an exceptional new generation leader to lead us.
    This is not a time for him to be playing follow the leader. It is a time for him to be giving commands and taking command. Will the tail wag the dog, or the dog wag the tail in the last half of Mr. Obama's second term?
    Never forget it is the Year of the Horse. Let not the Democratic donkey be called an ass.
    After dog comes duck in the name-calling business - as in lame duck.
    If you lead, we will follow.
 
 
© 2014 Secret Goldfish Publishing House/John Francis McCarthy

PRESIDENT OBAMA'S FOURTH STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS: THE VIEW FROM THE VIRGIN ISLANDS

THE OBAMA-NATION REVISITED: THE BLAME DOG BUSINESS OF WHOEVER SMELT IT, DEALT IT: THE VIEW FROM THE VIRGIN ISLANDS
 
     The State of the Union is nigh upon us again - a time to reflect back on the year that was - and look forward to the year - and the future - that still is - possible.
     Looking back, after the first State of the Union Address – the administration had taken steps to counter the “Great Depression II (The Sequel)” and President Obama said in 2010 in Milwaukee that he was shocked, shocked that "they talk about me like [I'm] a dog."
     But no one person actually said that specific phrase on the record - and for attribution.
     So at long last - and, by popular demand – just hours before the State of the Nation Address - President Obama gets his! I'm going to do him the service of formally calling him "a dog" in print - (easier to track if you're the NSA spying on its own citizens - especially if the column itself originates in cyberspace).
     And I am a Liberal Democrat (with moderate tendencies) so it carries more Chris Christie weight - what F. Scott Fitzgerald liked to call "leverage."
     And I'm not going to say this was all a "dream" sequence at the end of it and that it was actually the Red Chinese calling us all Running Dogs of American Imperialism.
     In other words, this ain't no "Family Guy" episode - no animals living or cartoon - will be harmed in the writing of this column. Nor is it a party, a disco or a "fooling around" of any kind. And if I start dressing like a housewife, or a student, not only will I owe royalties to Eddie Izzard or David Byrne, but we'll all know that that's not allowed.
(Tapping phone lines - that was also not allowed at the time that Talking Heads song was popular - but that was all pre-NSA.)
     Now, first of all, the Vice President, Mr. Joe Biden, makes his Christmas and New Year's vacations (like Martha Stewart does) in St. Croix. While Mr. Obama vacations in his native Hawaii (which is also part of the United States unless you are a birther named The Donald.) Trump this, you're fired!
     So right off the bat (no offense Martha), we've got a bone to pick with the President.
President Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary spent a Christmas or two in St. Thomas, all very cool and in the gang if you're a Virgin Islander. Before them, former V-P Al Gore and his wife Tipper vacationed in Charlotte Amalie (the only major world city named after a female leader).
     So naturally, we'd be a bit miffed, I mean we traded up when we went from Alipper to Billory - only to go from President to Vice President in 2009 (no offense Joe, you're still welcome back this year!  I've got a cold Greenie on ice waiting for you at the Sally's Fancy Sportsman’s Club on the South Shore.)
     Meanwhile, I won't be the first Progressive to have called out the President, though. Oliver Stone called Mr. Obama "a snake" over the internecine tracking of phone calls by the NSA. Fellow writer David Mamet said he, too, was “no longer a brain-dead Liberal" although he said it before the President was actually elected, so it would be difficult to ascertain his actual criticism of Mr. Obama. Director Michael Moore took issue with Obamacare, saying it was an obamanation - good only if it led to a single-payer plan.

     It used to be - when you graduated from college - and you went for a big interview, say with FoMoCo (Ford Motor Company for you non-native Detroiters) the smart HR execs used to ask: "If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be? And why?"
     Oh, boy. One of my best friend's wives (as opposed to "Best Friend's Girlfriend" by The Cars) answered that question honestly, saying that if she had to choose an animal it would be a loving, protective, faithful dog like her dear pet, "Cujo" -
     [Buzzer gong sound] Wrong answer! You're fired again, Donald Trump! (Offense intended).
     You see, what they wanted you to say in The Interview, is that you see yourself as a predatory jungle cat, ready to pounce on prey big and small - to make more money for FoMoCo. What they ask now - and what they want you to answer - I can only wonder.
In those days, you couldn't just Google "questions they might ask in a job interview."
     And today, if you said in a job interview that you saw yourself as a dangerous lion or tiger on the hunt for fresh meat and blood - they'd probably put you on full Dahmer Alert, call security, strip search you twice, hose you down and frog march you out of the building with a Hannibal Lector mask on. Not bad for a night in Las Vegas, but for a gentle lamb like yourself in a quiet, simple job interview, it would be nothing to keep silent about.
     Which brings us back to Chris Christie and Donald Trump (no, not The Donald, he was fired) and what Americans want in a President. Honesty? Might be a good starting point. But, staying with this going-to-the-dogs theme - if Americans had to - I mean absolutely had to - (no choice) - choose a type of dog to be their President, what type of dog would it be?
     My contention is that Americans would NOT choose a pit bull (no offense Pit Bull - the Miami-based rapper for you folks born before 1980) but rather a German shepherd. The only bad thing you can say about a German shepherd, is that one of them was Hitler's dog, but that's not really the dog's fault.  And if you saw the brilliant movie "Downfall,” you know even "Blondie" got executed. John Gotti had a mastiff, which are huge prehistoric-looking Great Dane-like animals - and old Adolf used Rottweilers to guard his "prison" camps, maybe as a conservative cost-cutting measure.
     Sorry, I just saw a promo for Martin Bashir's new show on a faux cable TV network. [WAS HE REALLY FOAMING AT THE MOUTH? Or was that like the Devil Baby FX (“Devil’s Due” movie trailer) on YouTube?]
     Anyway, Americans want their Presidents to be more like German shepherds than pit bulls. They want them to catch security threats - but have the presence of mind to un-tooth them upon command - not bite down hard and release when euthanized.
     Of course, H.W. took this to extremes with Saddam Hussein. Catch and release might be sporting news for fish, but with genocidal dictators it was a Schwarzkopf too far.  Mr. Obama is the perfect German shepherd Président on paper, although he turned out to be judge, jury, executioner and mortician at sea. W. was: “What dog? I've been looking for eight years!” (And the dog ate my homework.) Clinton was: a pit bull in wolf's clothing. Reagan was: Tear down this wall, because that dog can't hunt! Carter was: well, Jimmy had a cat. Nixon was a pit bull. Chris Christie is a pit boss bully alley cat, because there is only one animal that toys with its prey after capturing it. So we can see which President he is setting up to most be like - let's just hope he doesn't griddle on the White House roof.
     My two favorite Republicans, Chris Christie before Bridgegate and Mike Huckabee before Libido-Gate, have left me wondering if foot-in-mouth disease doesn't have something to do with being bitten by a rabid dog? (Since you're having fun with this, Sarah Palin has many canine qualities, one is a five-letter word that begins with a "b" and ends with you scratching your head (because you have an "itch") but she is officially classified scientifically as a "wild-eyed hyena" (genus slapus on the gluteus maximus) - and the Arkansas Governor-Preacher (M.H.) is a sloe-eyed sloth.
     So when you add it all up, what do we gain by name-calling? As the late Rodney King said: can't we all just get along?" And in a way, he was right, because we should all strive to live in peace, harmony and happiness. But in another sense, he's wrong. Because all's we've been doing is going along UNDER THE GUISE OF GETTING ALONG.
     And now, just to mix in a whole slew of zoo allusions and mixed metaphors, the crows have come home to roost. It was wrong when Malcolm X said that about JFK's assassination, and it felt wrong - even just looking at them - when Van Gogh painted them into one of his last paintings.
     The point being, if we are going to reap what we sow, why not start planting good seeds today? The same old tired advice givers, putting bugs in the oversized ears (if you read political cartoons) of the Chief Executive, running the same old dog and pony show. It might be good enough to win Westminster Kennel Club honors in New York (in Sean Hannity's old offices now that he's moved to Florida over Governor Cuomo's pro-choice comments.)
     And just when I thought it was getting better, it's actually getting worse. While I was watching TV, writing this column, Mr. Bashir just had another Homer Simpson-like "Doh" moment. Oh, no he di'n’t. Oh, yes he did. I'm trying to scribble down everything Martin is saying, but it appears he's headed for another "Tenth Avenue Freeze Out" just like the New Jersey Governor, because Bashir said that Christie, being a rather large man mesomorphically-speaking, "Houdini-like, made the smoking cone disappear somewhere on the Dark Side of the Moon."
     So it appears, then, that Martin Bashir will be fired all over again. Oh great, and over such a silly thing, really, because we all know Christie is a fan of Springsteen - not Pink Floyd.
     But all in all, it's just another brick in the Berlin wall.
     Mr. Obama's handlers trotted the President-to-be out in Germany in so that we could all be RE-inspired by John F. Kennedy's "Ich Bin Berliner" speech - and we were all appropriately inspired. He said then we are “a world that stands as one.” He was right then and he is right now. And who (besides Rush Limbaugh) was not inspired by President Obama's speech at Nelson Mandela's funeral? Remember the loud roar of the crowd? Goose pimples. Right?
     If America leads the world, why can't President Obama lead from a world stage? If he is being jeered at home, why not take the show on the road where he is loved and adored -- and where he would be cheered? (My only advice would be not to stand too close to the guy who looks like he doesn't know how to do sign language next time.)
     We are facing exceptional challenges in this new century, America is fighting not to become Rome Redux. We have an exceptional new generation leader to lead us.
     This is not a time for him to be playing follow the leader. It is a time for him to be giving commands and taking command. Will the tail wag the dog, or the dog wag the tail in the last half of Mr. Obama's second term?
     Never forget it is the Year of the Horse. Let not the Democratic donkey be called an ass.
     After dog comes duck in the name calling business - as in lame duck.
     If you lead, we will follow.

© 2014 Secret Goldfish Publishing House/John Francis McCarthy

 

[READ MORE OF JOHN’S COLUMNS BY CLICKING ON THESE LINKS]

 

http://themoderatevoice.com/191024/the-chris-christie-florida-travel-log-the-weather-is-fine-and-expected-to-get-even-hotter-in-new-jersey/

 

http://themoderatevoice.com/190778/the-offensive-dmz-of-dennis-rodmans-mind-mining-the-american-dream-in-north-korea/

 

http://themoderatevoice.com/190644/when-you-divide-by-15-minutes-of-fame-what-do-you-get/

 

http://themoderatevoice.com/189987/view-from-the-virgin-islands-the-ghosts-of-christmas-wars-past-still-haunt-sarah-palin/

 

http://themoderatevoice.com/189822/make-mine-the-pooh-pooh-platter-please-in-defense-of-msnbcs-martin-bashir-guest-voice/

FEDS POUNCE ON CHRIS CHRISTIE'S RECORDS IN DRUMTHWACKET: THE GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE IS CREAKING, BUT CC'LL ALWAYS HAVE SPRING BREAK IN FLORIDA IN JANUARY

http://themoderatevoice.com/191024/the-chris-christie-florida-travel-log-the-weather-is-fine-and-expected-to-get-even-hotter-in-new-jersey/

THE CHRIS CHRISTIE FLORIDA TRAVEL-LOG: THE WEATHER IS FINE HERE AND EXPECTED TO GET EVEN HOTTER IN NEW JERSEY: THE VIEW FROM THE VIRGIN ISLANDS

 

By JOHN F. McCARTHY

TMV COLUMNIST

 

Is there a smoking traffic cone in Bridgegate?

The taint of a brown burn mark on the bright orange plastic yet?

And if there is - will it hurt Chris Christie's chances to be elected President in 2016?

So few national op-ed columnists have weighed in on the New Jersey Governor's plight ...

that I thought I'd take a flying bridge leap (a Tony Scott if you will) at it myself.

     Dirty  tricks - or as they're called in the Virgin Islands - "politricks" - are nothing new.

In fact, they are an American tradition. They date back to the first contested Presidential election in the United States – when Thomas Jefferson hired journalist James Thomas Callender to slander his opponent Alexander Hamilton – who grew up in St. Croix – (that wasn’t the slanderous part.) Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon made a career out of them - long before he even imagined the Checkers Speech and a run at the White House.

     What's new about Chris Christie's take on them is that THE JOKE IS ON THE PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR HIM. When Nixon's "plumbers" sprung a leak at the Watergate complex - at least the plan in motion at the time was to muck up the competition - meaning the Democratic candidates themselves. So it was poor planning on Chris Christie's henchmen (and women’s) part because - as DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz said about the dirty tricks backfiring over the bridge – “it was directed at his own constituents.” Instead of shock and awe - what they got was a "Joisey" toxic spill of "mock and ow!"

     If a trademark yellow and black book "Dirty Tricks for Dummies" existed – it might have contained helpful information for Chris Christie’s staff: "Chapter One: The dirty trick is always played PRIOR to an election. Chapter Two: The dirty trick is always played ON a political opponent, NOT ON THE POLITICIAN’S OWN CONSTITUENTS.  Chapter Three: The object of playing the dirty trick is to allow the player to win by an even greater margin. And most importantly, Chapter Four: The dirty trick is never, ever played AFTER an election." After all, what would be the point of that?

     The other thing Wasserman Schultz suggested was that Chris Christie’s office was a breeding ground for a “culture of intimidation and retribution.” What Nixon employee Donald Segretti called the dirty tricks campaigns – (“ratf---ing”) – can’t be printed in a family online newsource like this one. And in a race to the bottom it is hard to imagine the Governor going so low as to actually being fruitful and multiplying in that posiition nationally.

     What hasn’t been hard to imagine are the comparisons between Chris Christie and Richard Nixon – political cartoonists – like the ones featured proudly here at Cagle Cartoons – have been having a food fight field day portraying the portly Jersey-born Governor in the cheek and jowl of the former Saddle River, NJ resident Richard Milhouse Nixon in full “I am not a crook” persona – generously subsituting the word “bully” for “crook.”

     And the similarities are there. Strangely enough, the gridiron is one of them. There is a culture of sadism and meanness in the sport of football that is usually tossed off as “toughness.” And you have to buy into this mental state psychologically if you are going to play it in an organized fashion as long as Nixon and Christie did. Each player was also a standout student and successful attorney – including prosecutorial duties – and Gridiron is a city in New Jersey – what more do you want?

     But the similarities end there – especially politically. Because the Newark native is/was a winner – and Richard Nixon was a sad sack loser – losing three or four major elections (including one for Governor of California) for every minor one Christie lost. In football, too, there is no real comparison. Chris was a starter – and Dick sat the bench. Whoever is running Chris Christie’s campaign for President has to explain how it is that they’ve managed to put Tricky Dick and the Builder of Bridgegate – onto the same team – and in the same sentence.

     The Governor said in the press conference for the “Fort Lee Lane Closure scandal” – (as it is called on Wikipedia) that the buck stops with him. So although Chris Christie gets no credit for purposely snarling traffic on the world’s busiest bridge – he did engineer his own office – which built the scandal. So the question becomes: Is this how you reward the “cross-over” voters who put you in office two times in a row? And if Chris Christie didn’t know about the scandal until we were 24-hours into it – how is it that he admitted to having two sleepless nights prior to being informed of it?

     It’s a little early for Spring break – but Chris Christie went to all the places – Fort Lauderdale, Orlando and Palm Beach – where young people like to go to party. He might have had a tear in his beer, though, if he thought about the jam he was in while he was there. Because although he was seen at places where Republicans have been wont to go for generations – places like Golf and Country Clubs and gated communities called “Hawk’s Landing” and “Lost Tree Village” – he brought a lot of baggage with him.

     He got a warm welcome in Florida from local Democrats who had hoped the scandal was contagious and would spread to Gov. Rick Scott (R-FL) as he fundraised and schmoozed with an elite group of G.O.P. donors including billionaire co-founder of Home Depot Kenneth Langone and Sugar Baron Pepe Fanjul, Jr. But the days of Chris Christie leading Hillary Clinton in national presidential polls are long gone.

     The Governor cancelled yesterday’s inaugural bash for his second term in office – the official reason: “snow.” With the news Monday that even nine-time Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis had gone public with charges that Chris Christie bullied him, too – I’m not sure he has to worry about cold weather in New Jersey, because I expect things are about to heat up around “Drumthwacket” – which is not the sound the George Washington Bridge makes when it closes – but the official residence in Princeton where the Governor has deigned not live since he was first elected.

     Time for a little memo on the Fort Lee scandal to “officially” get through to the big guy.

     Time to pack it in?

© 2014 Secret Goldfish Publishing House/John Francis McCarthy

ANONYMOUS COMMENTS TO THE ARTICLE ON THE INTERNET:

“Thank you for your defense of Chris Christie. It’s about time somebody pointed out that the honorable governor’s actions actually saved lives and promoted the interests of U.S. servicemen both home and abroad.

“It took an objective view from the Danish West Indies. You are to be commended.”

--SimonSays93 on January 22, 2014 @ 1:09 p.m.

“The article here points to a bleak future for Chris Christie. One of his own making. I do not see how he actually “saved lives and promoted the interests of servicemen both home and abroad.” Maybe wrong article?

--sheknows on January 22, 2014 @ 1:23 p.m.

BOOK REVIEW: SEEING OUT LOUDER BY JERRY SALTZ

“Seeing Out Louder” is a LOL reading experience that proves in its 436 pages that if you aren’t having fun in the art world, you’re doing it wrong. Jerry Saltz, the self-described “Jewish cowboy” as the book’s author, is doing it right.
With references as wide and varied as Homer Simpson and Plato, Jerry sets the standard for art criticism in America every time he puts pen to paper. Culled from his weekly columns at The Village Voice and New York Magazine (his current job) from 2003 to 2009, Saltz’s writing style is admittedly “dense” as he tries to cram the “maximum amount of information in a minimum amount of space.” But as Entertainment Weekly said about his TV commentary on the new Bravo show “Work of Art,” Jerry’s artspeak is succinct and accessible.
That is not to say that this TV personality won’t frequently send you packing to the Google images page of your iPhone as often as Martin Amis sends readers packing to their OEDs. After all, Mr. Saltz has remembered more about art than most people will ever forget.
The road to the top, from truck drivin’ cowboy to two-time Pulitzer Prize-nominated author, involves personally viewing 30-40 shows in New York City every week and at least 40 visits a year to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Since the 1980s, when Jerry first started reviewing art, he has probably seen as much work in person as anyone, so much art that he even has fantasies about making love in a museum.
Pop culture references abound, lightening the load of million dollar, brand name art, with Jerry sometimes threatening to get “mid-evil” on someone, a Pulp Fiction reference. Saltz writes art criticism the way J.D. Salinger wrote short stories -- and the way Mitch Albom writes sports stories -- with a lyricism and a cadence that only the best writers can “hear” and translate to essay -- his writing enters our conscious and subconscious minds -- the way a heroin speedball entered Basquiat‘s veins -- immediately.
Jerry says (Lou Reed should write a song about him in the vein of “Stephanie/Candy/Caroline Says”) in an interview that viewing art keeps him sane, and when he is done self-medicating in the hallowed galleries and museums of NYC, we get to find out what he was “on” when he writes his review, a kind of verbal toxicology report for us shut-in readers.
Saltz self-deprecatingly refers to himself as a “loudmouth,” and one does get the impression in reading “Louder,” that if his speaking voice were as loud as his writing voice, that he could shout down a Bronx cheer-er at Yankee Stadium. Stoking the fires of an incredible cult of personality in the course of doing his writing job while also amiably chatting with interested people on Facebook (Mr. Saltz’s FB profile pic is a two-shot with former President Clinton’s arm around the author) Jerry writes so well that he approaches rock star status. (So it is appropriate that Mr. Bill was photographed with another rock star in South Africa -- Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones at the Ghana vs. United States World Cup soccer match). Well, kind of appropriate, because Saltz is known in his reviews to have an almost palpable sense of honesty.
And precisely because he is intellectually honest with himself and others, Saltz is developing an underground folk hero status in art circles, people come from all over cyberspace, as Woody Allen learns from Rolling Stone reporter Shelly Duvall at a Bob Dylan concert in “Annie Hall:” “He’s God! I mean, this man is God! He’s got millions of followers who would crawl all the way across the world just to touch the hem of his garment.” To which, Allen Konigsberg of course replies: “Really? It must be a tremendous hem.” And to bastardize another Allen-ism, that’s why most people love Saltz -- whether it is in his weekly magazine columns, daily online Facebook banter, or weekly Bravo TV show -- Saltz gives good hem! How could you not like someone who begins a column: “I have always wanted to have sex in a museum?”
That is not to say he does not have critics of his own, who carp about him being some kind of unpaid “apologist” for superstar artists such as Jeff Koons; but they mostly come across as village idiots with a bad case of sour grapes, who tastelessly profess to have no use for the multi-sensoral verbal condiment of Saltz and pepper. Some “V.I.” even post half-assed online reviews of his TV show “Work of Art” -- without actually bothering to watch the show.
Jerry argues in his books that the art critic of today is obsolete – there are no more Clement Greenbergs who can take a Silly Putty Jackson Pollock and mold him or her – through an orbiting of clever words, -isms and columns – into the greatest artist of all time; however, I’m not so sure…when Ashley Bickerton is asked a question at an NYC art opening about his new work, he bolsters his argument by saying his new style is egg-zactly like the old style, “and Jerry Saltz had the very same observation.”
Say what you will about Jerry Saltz: Nothing half-assed about him. This full-assed HDTV effect was never more on display than in his review of Carroll Dunham in “Charnel Knowledge” when he delights in seeing self-portrait pictures of his male friend “bare-assed and bent over with his anus in the viewer’s face like some mad Humanoid Baboon in a state of sexual presenting.” Saltz “shocks them/shows them” just as the lady friend referenced in Keith Richards’ “Little T&A” from the Rolling Stones’ “Tattoo You” was exhorted to do in the song -- because Jerry aims to be the first “bad boy” art critic -- not a bad thing in and of itself -- Quentin Tarantino is the “bad boy” director of American cinema -- and his “b.o.” always passes the smell test. Just as “all art is contemporary art” (a Jerry-ism that you learn while reading his seminal opus), to his credit for a sexagenarian, most of Saltz’s references are to modern day cultural icons such as Oasis’ “Champagne Supernova” at the end of “Babylon Rising,” where he asks the musical question: “Where were you while we were getting high?”
I only counted one reference to a pop star presumably more age appropriate to a 60‘s guy (he is one way or another -- but Wikipedia is no help because it does not present his birth date) Jerry is a refreshingly unselfconscious electronic personality who modestly describes his TV look as a human “Sharpie” marker. But, if Jerry is under-confident about his glamorousness on the boob tube, he is justifiably more confident in his ability to hit a home run in print. Didn’t finish the column? Saltz says: My bad: I should’ve written it better. Now that’s accountability!
As much as I love Jerry (no one has more to lose by writing even a lukewarm review of a Saltz book - as a 47-year-old art brut living in the American Caribbean - spamming the world for a national audience for my art - I am wary lest I hear Jerry re-enact the Ving Rhames line to Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction where he says if Butch the Boxer were going to make it, he would have made it by now - and your ass turns to vinegar rather than fine wine etc., etc.) -- there were a couple of things that I did not fully understand.
Jerry says photo-realistic art is boring now that Warhol has done it all before. The late Sigmar Polke, Gerhard Richter and Luc Tuymans are rounded up as the usual suspects - yet Saltz (as the British World Cup announcer kept saying while the U.S. was being eviscerated by Ghana this weekend: “It has to be said.”) seems to have a deep reverence for non-flying Dutchman Jan Vermeer - who may have been the world’s first photorealistic painter because he used a camera obscura to “mindlessly copy” the human figures depicted in his paintings -- and a string to get the one-point perspectives photographically correct -- as demonstrated in the 2001 Meryl Streep-narrated documentary “Vermeer: Master of Light.”
The longest review in the book about any individual artist, at fully eight pages long, is devoted to the Irish-born Sodomite/Londonite Francis Bacon - whom he basically describes as a “cartoonist,” among other things. This after holding up Francisco Goya as the art world equivalent of “God” at spring graduation ceremonies where he gave the commencement address at two universities, and equating African-American silhouette-ist Kara Walker with Goya in previous columns. Admirably, Jerry burnishes the reputations of Pollock and "American Picasso" Robert Rauschenberg, who get nearly as much ink-time.
So when you read a Jerry Saltz reverie-review, and you see him artfully describe Bacon’s “intense chalky, apricot” colors that are keeping this “bugger’s daydream” outsider art alive today your thoughts are: “That’s me! That’s what I think!” And you realize that you have witnessed something quite special -- another J.S. work of art -- because as he daubs the words onto his magazine canvas -- and unblushingly talks about the oozing crispness of sex in all of its forms, functions and practices (perhaps except for the modern-day poet Larissa Szporluk - has anyone more rivetingly driven the dialogue including sexuality to such a high art position?) you register that this has been no ordinary luncheon in the grass.

CHRIS CHRISTIE'S 'RATF---ING' WAYS AND OTHER INAUGURAL TALES SURE TO WARM THE COCKLES OF YOUR HEART

THE CHRIS CHRISTIE FLORIDA TRAVEL-LOG: THE WEATHER IS FINE HERE AND EXPECTED TO GET EVEN HOTTER IN NEW JERSEY: THE VIEW FROM THE VIRGIN ISLANDS

 

By JOHN F. McCARTHY
MODERATE VOICE COLUMNIST

 

Is there a smoking traffic cone in Bridgegate?
The taint of a brown burn mark on the bright orange plastic yet?
And if there is - will it hurt Chris Christie's chances to be elected President in 2016?
So few national op-ed columnists have weighed in on the New Jersey Governor's plight ...
that I thought I'd take a flying bridge leap (a Tony Scott if you will) at it myself.
     Dirty  tricks - or as they're called in the Virgin Islands - "politricks" - are nothing new.

In fact, they are an American tradition. They date back to the first contested Presidential election in the United States – when Thomas Jefferson hired journalist James Thomas Callender to slander his opponent Alexander Hamilton – who grew up in St. Croix – (that wasn’t the slanderous part.) Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon made a career out of them - long before he even imagined the Checkers Speech and a run at the White House.

     What's new about Chris Christie's take on them is that THE JOKE IS ON THE PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR HIM. When Nixon's "plumbers" sprung a leak at the Watergate complex - at least the plan in motion at the time was to muck up the competition - meaning the Democratic candidates themselves. So it was poor planning on Chris Christie's henchmen (and women’s) part because - as DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz said about the dirty tricks backfiring over the bridge – “it was directed at his own constituents.” Instead of shock and awe - what they got was a "Joisey" toxic spill of "mock and ow!"

     If a trademark yellow and black book "Dirty Tricks for Dummies" existed – it might have contained helpful information for Chris Christie’s staff: "Chapter One: The dirty trick is always played PRIOR to an election. Chapter Two: The dirty trick is always played ON a political opponent, NOT ON THE POLITICIAN’S OWN CONSTITUENTS.  Chapter Three: The object of playing the dirty trick is to allow the player to win by an even greater margin. And most importantly, Chapter Four: The dirty trick is never, ever played AFTER an election." After all, what would be the point of that?

     The other thing Wasserman Schultz suggested was that Chris Christie’s office was a breeding ground for a “culture of intimidation and retribution.” What Nixon employee Donald Segretti called the dirty tricks campaigns – (“ratf---ing”) – can’t be printed in a family online newsource like this one. And in a race to the bottom it is hard to imagine the Governor going so low as to actually being fruitful and multiplying in that posiition nationally.

     What hasn’t been hard to imagine are the comparisons between Chris Christie and Richard Nixon – political cartoonists – like the ones featured proudly here at Cagle Cartoons – have been having a food fight field day portraying the portly Jersey-born Governor in the cheek and jowl of the former Saddle River, NJ resident Richard Milhouse Nixon in full “I am not a crook” persona – generously subsituting the word “crook” for “bully.”

     And the similarities are there. Strangely enough, the gridiron is one of them. There is a culture of sadism and meanness in the sport of football that is usually tossed off as “toughness.” And you have to buy into this mental state psychologically if you are going to play it in an organized fashion as long as Nixon and Christie did. Each player was also a standout student and successful attorney – including prosecutorial duties – and Gridiron is a city in New Jersey – what more do you want?

     But the similarities end there – especially politically. Because the Newark native is/was a winner – and Richard Nixon was a sad sack loser – losing three or four major elections (including one for Governor of California) for every minor one Christie lost. In football, too, there is no real comparison. Chris was a starter – and Dick sat the bench. Whoever is running Chris Christie’s campaign for President has to explain how it is that they’ve managed to put Tricky Dick and the Builder of Bridgegate – onto the same team – and in the same sentence.

     The Governor said in the press conference for the “Fort Lee Lane Closure” scandal” – (as it is called on Wikipedia) that the buck stops with him. So although Chris Christie gets no credit for purposely snarling traffic on the world’s busiest bridge – he did engineer his own office – which built the scandal. So the question becomes: Is this how you reward the “cross-over” voters who put you in office two times in a row? And if Chris Christie didn’t know about the scandal until we were 24-hours into it – how is it that he admitted to having two sleepless nights prior to being informed of it?

     It’s a little early for Spring break – but Chris Christie went to all the places – Fort Lauderdale, Orlando and Palm Beach – where young people like to go to party. He might have had a tear in his beer, though, if he thought about the jam he was in while he was there. Because although he was seen at places where Republicans have been wont to go for generations – places like Golf and Country Clubs and gated communities called “Hawk’s Landing” and “Lost Tree Village” – he brought a lot of baggage with him.

     He got a warm welcome in Florida from local Democrats who had hoped the scandal was contagious and would spread to Gov. Rick Scott (R-FL) as he fundraised and schmoozed with an elite group of G.O.P. donors including billionaire co-founder of Home Depot Kenneth Langone and Sugar Baron Pepe Fanjul, Jr. But the days of Chris Christie leading Hillary Clinton in national presidential polls are long gone.

     The Governor has cancelled yesterday’s inaugural bash for his second term in office – the official reason: “snow.” With the news Monday that even nine-time Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis had gone public with charges that Chris Christie bullied him, too – I’m not sure he has to worry about cold weather in New Jersey because I expect things are about to heat up around “Drumthwacket” – which is not the sound the George Washington Bridge makes when it closes – but the official residence in Princeton where the Governor has deigned not live since he was first elected.

     Time for a little memo on the Fort Lee scandal to “officially” get through to the big guy.

     Time to pack it in?

© 2014 Secret Goldfish Publishing House/John Francis McCarthy

ANOTHER STORM IS BREWING FOR CHRIS CHRISTIE IN NEW JERSEY - WHAT ARE THE ODDS HE IGNORES THIS ONE, TOO?

THE CHRIS CHRISTIE FLORIDA TRAVEL-LOG: THE WEATHER IS FINE HERE AND EXPECTED TO GET EVEN HOTTER IN NEW JERSEY: THE VIEW FROM THE VIRGIN ISLANDS

 

By JOHN F. McCARTHY

MODERATE VOICE COLUMNIST

 

Is there a smoking traffic cone in Bridgegate?

The taint of a brown burn mark on the bright orange plastic yet?

And if there is - will it hurt Chris Christie's chances to be elected President in 2016?

So few national op-ed columnists have weighed in on the New Jersey Governor's plight ...

that I thought I'd take a flying bridge leap (a Tony Scott if you will) at it myself.

     Dirty  tricks - or as they're called in the Virgin Islands - "politricks" - are nothing new.

In fact, they are an American tradition. They date back to the first contested Presidential election in the United States – when Thomas Jefferson hired journalist James Thomas Callender to slander his opponent Alexander Hamilton – who grew up in St. Croix – (that wasn’t the slanderous part.) Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon made a career out of them - long before he even imagined the Checkers Speech and a run at the White House.

     What's new about Chris Christie's take on them is that THE JOKE IS ON THE PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR HIM. When Nixon's "plumbers" sprung a leak at the Watergate complex - at least the plan in motion at the time was to muck up the competition - meaning the Democratic candidates themselves. So it was poor planning on Chris Christie's henchmen (and women’s) part because - as DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz said about the dirty tricks backfiring over the bridge – “it was directed at his own constituents.” Instead of shock and awe - what they got was a "Joisey" toxic spill of "mock and ow!"

     If a trademark yellow and black book "Dirty Tricks for Dummies" existed – it might have contained helpful information for Chris Christie’s staff: "Chapter One: The dirty trick is always played PRIOR to an election. Chapter Two: The dirty trick is always played ON a political opponent, NOT ON THE POLITICIAN’S OWN CONSTITUENTS.  Chapter Three: The object of playing the dirty trick is to allow the player to win by an even greater margin. And most importantly, Chapter Four: The dirty trick is never, ever played AFTER an election." After all, what would be the point of that?

     The other thing Wasserman Schultz suggested was that Chris Christie’s office was a breeding ground for a “culture of intimidation and retribution.” What Nixon employee Donald Segretti called the dirty tricks campaigns (“ratf---ing”) – can’t be printed in a family online newsource like this one. And in a race to the bottom it is hard to imagine the Governor going so low as to actually be fruitful and multiply in that posiition nationally.

     What hasn’t been hard to imagine are the comparisons between Chris Christie and Richard Nixon – political cartoonists – like the ones featured proudly here at Cagle Cartoons – have been having a food fight field day portraying the portly Jersey-born Governor in the cheek and jowl of the former Saddle River, NJ resident Richard Milhouse Nixon in full “I am not a crook” persona – generously subsituting the word “crook” for “bully.”

     And the similarities are there. Strangely enough, the gridiron is one of them. There is a culture of sadism and meanness in the sport of football that is usually tossed off as “toughness.” And you have to buy into this mental state psychologically if you are going to play it in an organized fashion as long as Nixon and Christie did. Each player was also a standout student and successful attorney – including prosecutorial duties – and Gridiron is a city in New Jersey – what more do you want?

     But the similarities end there – especially politically. Because the Newark native is/was a winner – and Richard Nixon was a sad sack loser – losing three or four major elections (including one for Governor of California) for every minor one Christie lost. In football, too, there is no real comparison. Chris was a starter – and Dick sat the bench. Whoever is running Chris Christie’s campaign for President has to explain how it is that they’ve managed to put Tricky Dick and the Builder of Bridgegate – onto the same team – and in the same sentence.

     The Governor said in the press conference for the “Fort Lee Lane Closure” scandal” – (as it is called on Wikipedia) that the buck stops with him. So although Chris Christie gets no credit for purposely snarling traffic on the world’s busiest bridge – he did engineer his own office – which built the scandal. So the question becomes: Is this how you reward the “cross-over” voters who put you in office two times in a row? And if Chris Christie didn’t know about the scandal until we were 24-hours into it – how is it that he admitted to having two sleepless nights prior to being informed of it?

     It’s a little early for Spring break – but Chris Christie is going to all the places – Fort Lauderdale, Orlando and Palm Beach – where young people like to go to party. He might have a tear in his beer, though, if he thinks about the jam he’s in while he’s there. Because although he is being seen at places where Republicans have been wont to go for generations – places like Golf and Country Clubs and gated communities called “Hawk’s Landing” and “Lost Tree Village” – he’s brought a lot of baggage with him on this trip.

     He’s gotten a warm welcome in Florida from local Democrats who hope the scandal is contagious and will spread to Gov. Rick Scott (R-FL) as he fund raises and schmoozes with an elite group of G.O.P. donors including billionaire co-founder of Home Depot Kenneth Langone and Sugar Baron Pepe Fanjul, Jr. But the days of Chris Christie leading Hillary Clinton in national presidential polls are long gone.

     The Governor has cancelled next week’s inaugural bash for his second term in office – the official reason: “snow.” With the news yesterday that even nine-time Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis had gone public with charges that Chris Christie bullied him, too – I’m not sure he has to worry about cold weather in New Jersey, though, because I expect things are about to heat up around “Drumthwacket” – which is not the sound the George Washington Bridge makes when it closes – but the official residence in Princeton where the Governor has deigned not live since he was first elected.

     Time for a little memo on the Fort Lee scandal to “officially” get through to the big guy.

     Time to pack it in?

© 2014 Secret Goldfish Publishing House/John Francis McCarthy

ON A CLEAR DAY YOU CAN STILL SEE NEW YORK FROM NEW JERSEY: THE LATEST ON THE FORT LEE LANE CLOSURE SCANDAL

CHRIS CHRISTIE OVER-INDULGES ON HIS OWN IMAGE: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CANNIBALIZE THE TRUTH? THE VIEW FROM THE VIRGIN ISLANDS

 

By JOHN F. McCARTHY

MODERATE VOICE COLUMNIST

 

Is there a smoking traffic cone in Bridgegate?

The taint of a brown burn mark on the bright orange plastic yet?

And if there is - will it hurt Chris Christie's chances to be elected President in 2016?

So few national op-ed columnists have weighed in on the New Jersey Governor's plight ...

that I thought I'd take a flying bridge leap (a Tony Scott if you will) at it myself.

 

Dirty  tricks - or as they're called in the Virgin Islands - "politricks" - are nothing new.

Richard "Tricky Dick" Nixon made a career out of them - long before he even imagined the Checkers Speech and a run at the White House. What's new about Chris Christie's take on them is that THE JOKE IS ON THE PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR HIM.

When Nixon's "plumbers" sprung a leak at the Watergate complex - at least the plan in motion at the time was to muck up the competition - meaning the Democrats.

So it was poor planning on Chris Christie's henchmen (and women’s) part because - as DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz said about the dirty tricks backfiring over the bridge – “it was directed at his own constituents.” Instead of shock and awe - what they got was a "Joisey" toxic spill of "mock and ow!"

 

Here’s what Governor Christie and his staff missed by not first reading the trademark yellow and black book "Dirty Tricks for Dummies": "Chapter One: The dirty trick is always played PRIOR to an election. Chapter Two: The dirty trick is always played ON a political opponent, NOT ON THE POLITICIAN’S OWN CONSTITUENTS.  Chapter Three: The object of playing the dirty trick is to allow the player to win by an even greater margin. And most importantly, Chapter Four: The dirty trick is never, ever played AFTER an election." After all, what would be the point?

Richard Nixon had the 1972 Presidential election sewn up - and in the bag - well before the fiasco that would become known as the "Anybody but McGovern" campaign (which was "covered" forty years later [in the musical meaning of that word] in an homage by the "Anybody but Romney" campaign in 2012. Only two states went for George then, Massachusetts and South Dakota, but only one of them counted in the electoral college. But Mr. Milhouse’s paranoia ran deep – and mixed with his serious character issues – caused Nixon to want to ensure the greatest landslide of all time.

So what were Christie’s staff (the Governor has officially denied all knowledge of the “Fort Lee Lane Closure” scandal – as it is called on Wikipedia – to date) hoping to achieve by purposely snarling traffic on the world’s busiest bridge? Is this how you reward the “cross-over” voters who put you in office two times in a row? And if Chris Christie didn’t know about the scandal until we were 24-hours into it – how is it that he admitted to having two sleepless nights prior to be informed of it?

The answers to these and other questions might be blowing in the wind – or sweeping across the George Washington Bridge at this very moment. To believe that Chris Christie was not complicit in this ham-fisted dirty trick – when he has specificially declined to say what he knew and when he knew it – takes a naivete worthy of a Miracle on 34th Street.

 

In a mere mortal it smacks of duplicitousness, unless you were someone capable of being in good faith as you attended 120 concerts - for an unapologetically Democratic rock star - attempting to curry favor in a long-distance bro-mance with someone who really couldn't be farther away from your camp politically if he were born in Moscow. And this could only eventually lead to a more conflicted self image, more over-indulging problems and a Heartbreak Hotel Prilosec OTC moment: Jimmy Fallon-The Boss and a "Born To Run" parody.

[YouTube video here]

If Chris Christie takes a play out of the Silver Linings Playbook – he doesn’t have to follow the template for Richard Milhouse Nixon being an intemperate, mean-spirited pit bull who would never, ever run out of ink or paper for his "enemies lists.”
But there it was – like a bridge too close - political cartoonists, like the ones proudly featured here at Cagle Cartoons, had a field day portraying Chris Christie as the bloated, big cheek Nixon face of his "I am not a crook" persona - substituting the word "bully" for "crook."
Maureen Dowd considers it a given that Chris Christie "can be a bully."
But bully for you can be chilly for me - and I'm insulated against the Arctic Vortex of national politricks by living in the Tropics - so if and when Chris Christie gets a "Tenth Avenue Freeze Out" from American voters in 2016 isn't really my concern - Virgin Islanders cannot vote in Presidential elections (I believe it is called "taxation without representation?" Maybe the Tea Party can help me with that?)
What IS the Dude's concern is that - as with Nixon in his red-baiting campaigns for Congress, California Governor and Senator - the red flags on what is called "the character issue" were consistently there early on - as voters we just chose to ignore them because we liked that hellfire glint in Tricky Dick's eyes. Just as the warning signs - the red flags warning of a traffic jam on the George Washington ("I cannot tell a lie") Bridge are there for Chris Christie - well before Bridgegate - the writing was already on the wall - and we all know he's a Bruce Springsteen fan - and not a Pink Floyd fan. We've crossed that bridge before.
 
So just who is this white collar guy Chris Christie anyway?
The book on Chris Christie is that he's a hard-working "guy's guy" who gets the job done.
Sometimes - as in the case with Bridgegate - even getting a job done when it didn't need to be done in the first place. That's why he's a white collar guy, rather than a blue collar guy. White collar guys are attorneys who debate the meaning of the word "is." Blue collar guys "do stuff," like laying another brick in the wall. White collar guys like specious studies on "traffic flow of the George Washington Bridge during rush hour on the anniversary of 9-1-1." Blue collar guys just want to get home across the bridge after a long day of bricklaying.
 
Or:
Other stuff to "fuhgettaboutit" include:
[list the crap here]
 
Some friends of mine here - we'll call them the "Liberal attorneys on St. Croix," used to sport bumper stickers on their hybrid Prius vehicles that said: "No one died when Clinton lied."
If Chris Christie is caught parsing the far side of the truth (as one national reporter put it: "if he only heard about the scandal 24 hours ago, then how come he's already had two sleepless nights?") what will HIS bumper sticker say?
"Only ONE person died when Christie lied. (And even that hasn't been fully proven yet?)"
 
If Chris Christie does succeed - and wrests the 2016 Republican nomination from a contentious G.O.P. field set to include: Paul Ryan, Jeb Bush, Sarah Palin, Marco Rubio, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann, Donald Trump. Ted Cruz, Bobby Jindal, Rand Paul, Rick Perry, John Kasich, Jon Huntsman, Mitt Romney.
Then that would mean Conservative voters want to get deep down and jiggy with their bad boy Nixon selves. And if they do, it will mean Chris Christie was scary, but only Nixon scary, NOT Barry Goldwater finger-on-the-trigger scary.
And if Martin Bashir again has a basic cable TV show then, he will probably say that Chris Christie, being a rather large man mesomorphically-speaking: "Houdini-like, made the smoking cone disappear somewhere on the Dark Side of the Moon."
And then of course, Martin Bashir will be fired again.
That dirty Limey bastard - how dare he! Da " noive" uh dat goi!
Because we all know Chris is a Springsteen fan - not a Pink Floyd fan.
And maybe I'll have to hit the bricks, then, too!
All in all, though, just another brick in the wall.

Copyright 2014 Secret Goldfish Publishing House/John Francis McCarthy

BLIND SIDED BY DENNIS RODMAN IN NORTH KOREA: ARE WE INSURED AGAINST THAT?

http://themoderatevoice.com/190778/the-offensive-dmz-of-dennis-rodmans-mind-mining-the-american-dream-in-north-korea/

 

THE OFFENSIVE DMZ OF DENNIS RODMAN’S MIND:
 
MINING THE AMERICAN DREAM IN NORTH KOREA:
 
THE VIEW FROM THE VIRGIN ISLANDS
 

By John F. McCarthy
TMV Guest Voice Columnist
 

 Dennis Rodman was the NBA's version of "The Blind Side."
 
Meaning that "The Worm" had a life experience similar to that of the NFL's Michael Oher.
 
But Oher was born the year Dennis Keith Rodman was drafted into the NBA – 1986.
And though you are more familiar with Oher’s touching rags to riches story - where an upper-class white family - "raised” an adult black professional athlete prospect while he goes to college – you still don’t know Michael Oher’s name – but you do know Dennis Rodman’s.
 
So how "The Worm" got the Tiannamen Square Sawed Off Shotgun Tip-Off Tour of North Korea - while Mr. Oher got the Tinsel Town Major Motion Picture Deal - with Sandra Bullock - might be a question better put to Mr. Rodman's agent.
 
Because the story arc of Dennis the Menace's life was far more precipitous - he was sweeping out Dallas Fort Worth International Airport for a living, when he had a tremendous Alien-like growth spurt – growing fully thirteen inches in one – his nineteenth – summer.
 
His two sisters were All-American college basketball players - so when the Rodman family genes finally kicked in with their male progeny – going from 5’6” to 6’7” - it didn't take long for he and his folks to realize that this was his Jed Clampett moment.
 
Their son was now nearly as tall as an oil derrick - he was the "bubbling crude" that Jed found at the end of a gun - and they seized the day and enlisted him in the Beverly Hills of community colleges in Texas – Cooke County.
 
But our Mr. Rodman had trouble coping with the stresses of college life – and flunked out after only one semester because he couldn’t make the grade. A lesser man might have quit there, but “The Worm” didn’t. When the Byrnes – a white family in Southeastern Oklahoma “adopted” Rodman – it was the turning point that allowed him to metamorphose out of his shy introverted cocoon – he had no piercings or “ink” then.
 
By the time the Detroit Pistons drafted him out of his second college stint – they already had a superstar (Isiah Thomas) – a nickname “The Bad Boys” – and a winning tradition.
But new coach Chuck Daley saw the potential in this gangly, goofy-looking, wide-eyed kid from New Jersey. He himself had never coached before in the pro game – but he was a legend in Pennsylvania high school basketball circles – and stifling defense was his secret weapon.
 
Dennis could do nothing other than defend (maybe rebound a little) – he couldn’t shoot an orange round ball into an metal rim and white net to save his life – but he was joining a team that was already almost bigger than his ego would grow to – with guys like: Bill Laimbeer, Rick Mahorn, Vinny “The Microwave” Johnson, Adrian Dantley, John Salley and Joe Dumars.
 
They were more sharp elbows - and black and blue hard knocks – and hardly-seen socks –
 than had ever been seen before in the NBA - but those were welcome sights to the people who had been weaned on Gordie Howe’s style in Hockeytown.
 
To score against those Detroit Pistons - you had to pay a physical price - Daley was big on D-fense - and the frisky "Worm" was about to glow in his “new” strategy.
After all, Dennis Rodman was not a worm at all; he had long arms (what they call "wingspan" in the NBA - and quick feet - perfect for this new "ball-denial" style of pro defense.
 
But one inchworm step forward, two Amazon steps backward ....
 
In his first NBA year, our Dennis allowed the Boston Celtics to win a crucial Eastern Conference championship elimination game in the final seconds - because he began celebrating too early - abandoning his vigilant defensive stance prematurely. Even then he was kind of flighty – and high strung.
 
It took years for the "Bad Boys" to finally unseat Larry Bird, Kevin McHale, Danny Ainge and Dennis Johnson as Eastern Conference Champions in the NBA.
 
When they finally did - it was an heroic accomplishment - one worthy of someone who went from $2 an hour to $2 million a year! The Worm's Detroit Pistons won back-to-back NBA Championships - earned by holding off yet another upstart (also cut from his high school basketball team) named Michael Jordan - who played for the Chicago Bulls and seriously challenged Detroit's basketball ascendency - nearly keeping them from getting airborne.
 
"The Jordan Rules" were a complicated set of trap defenses - designed by Daley to keep Michael Jordan from dominating the game - and ruining the Pistons' chances - but all "The Jordan Rules" ever were - was to simply put Dennis Rodman on Michael Jordan - guarding arguably the greatest player who ever played the game.
 
After the Championships, Success, and maybe other elegizing-enebriating substances besides Euphoria, informed "The Worm" that maybe it would be a good idea to bring a loaded shotgun to "work" at the Pontiac Silverdome one day - where the Pistons used to play and practice. Oh our Dennis was different - even then.
 
When Michael finally overcame "The Jordan Rules," and started winning championships on his own - Rodman figured, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em - and soon "The Worm" turned good for MJ, Scottie Pippen and the Chicago Bulls - helping them eventually amass three of their six NBA Championships (after first helping Detroit win two).
 
From sweeping out airport lobbies for minimum wage - to NBA superstardom - is a stretch maybe only Dennis Rodman himself has ever accomplished in modern-day America. He was on five NBA Championship teams – Jordan was on six.
 
Dennis got to date Madonna and marry Carmen Electra; he got to wear a white wedding dress – but he was a success in the NBA despite his modest offensive abilities - because HE TRIED REAL DAMN HARD - he had an intense work ethic on the court – perhaps second to none.
 
It was that superhuman work ethic that "turned" him from DFW airport broom meister, to student athlete and NAIA All-American to NBA Defensive Player of The Year (twice) – and maybe – just maybe – one of the (G)reatest NBA defensive (P)layers of (A)ll (T)ime. (Or G.O.A.T.'s, as Jerry Rice likes to put it).
 
Which makes me wonder, what was Kim Jong-il's work ethic like?
 
And how would one know if it were a particularly good year for the “Supreme Leader” of North Korea? Did he kill more rivals one year as opposed to others? Build more concentration camps with slave labor? Separate more families in gulag-prisons? Stuffed more imported Maine lobster down his gullet one year while his beloved people starved to death?
 
Kim Jong-un, the son, has inherited his dictator father's love of the game of NBA Basketball and probably other Jong-il Family trusted pastimes (like over-eating) and “taking out the garbage” (with the sudden, but not unexpected death of trusted advisor Gen. Jang Song-thaek last month.)
 
As U2's Bono once musically asked about old age pensioners getting blown to bits during military parades in terrorist attacks in Northern Ireland - steadying the course to an end of Sinn Fein and "The Troubles" there: "Where's the glory in that?"
 
Now that Dennis Rodman has gone on Offense - bringing Kenny Anderson, Cliff Robertson, Vin Baker, Craig Hodges, Doug Christie and Charles D. Smith and what wire service reports called "four street ballers" on a goodwill games tour of Pyongyang City last week - we can see that it is not his strong suit.
Dennis Rodman is no Ted Turner. His visit did not bring about détente between the U.S. and North Korea because Pyongyang does not recognize basic human rights. There can be no goodwill games there until it does.
Charles D. Smith says not only did he and his fellow players not get paid for the b-ball exhibition – but that a top North Korean official rubbed his hand – Smith says in an effort to see if his own “blackness” would rub off like shoe polish.
And there was no “selfie” of Kim Jong-un and Dennis Rodman because North Korea forbids tourists with cameras on their cell phones – even The Worm’s.
So though Rush Limbaugh was quick to criticize Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt and British Prime Minister David Cameron for taking a selfie with President Obama at Nelson Mandela’s funeral – at least they were free to do so!
 
It’s like George W. Bush used to say: “They hate us because of our Freedom.”
 
Knowing that the Worm is about as camera shy as Dana Bash on ginseng, pep pills and 5-Hour Energy, Dennis should have realized something was wrong when he was unable to take a selfie with Baby Kim.
 
But we didn’t miss much from his i-Report. After all, his was a command performance for a morbidly obese dog-eating nepotistic Communist dictator.
 
Dennis got drunk, sang “Happy Birthday To You” to Baby Kim - in a kind of Their Satanic Majesties Request-Cinderella parallel universe transvestite transgender upside down cake version of Marilyn Monroe & JFK, and a tipsy Worm later had a meltdown when a CNN anchor asked him about an American missionary who has been held captive by North Korea for fourteen months.
 
I guess Mr. Rodman got paid handsomely for HIS troubles? (Which might say more about the State of the American Dream than it does about Dennis.)
 
But can "The Worm" ever get drunk enough to forget that Pyongyang Train, running up and down North Korea with just one chain-smoking NBA fan on board - death staring him square in the face – the soon-to-be late fearless leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea – gorging himself on champagne and caviar – trying to fill an existential hollowness that comes with making Hitlerian decisions regarding human beings in forced labor camps?
 
I keep reminding myself - as a fan of the National Basketball Association - that there's a lot of glory in Dennis Rodman.
 
But "The Worm" has turned now - and I'm left with one nagging question: "Where's the glory in that?"
 
© Copyright 2014 Secret Goldfish Publishing House/John Francis McCarthy
 

IF CHRIS CHRISTIE HADN'T A DONE WHAT I TOLD HIM NOT TO DO - HE'D STILL BE HERE TODAY

“The highway’s jammed with broken heroes…”

 

By DAVID SIMON

SPECIAL TO THE ABOMINABLE SCREED

 

He knew.
We can say this now with certainty if we ask ourselves one basic question about human nature: What good does it do a political operative to screw over the opposition if you can’t then tell your boss about it? Where is the joy for any lickspittle hack in the office hierarchy if he or she can’t pull off a dirty trick against a political adversary, then walk down the hall and tell the boss just how well you did on his behalf? What would be the point?
I’ve actually found New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s bluster and anger to be endearing at times, if only for the plain-speaking insistence on results. I don’t find anger to be a particularly negative trait when that anger is offered on behalf of others, nor do I regard argument as anything other than a worthy endeavor if the argument is actually about something. I didn’t agree with Mr. Christie on any number of issues, but I found him credible as a public servant. He reminded me in some respects of the late Maryland Governor and Baltimore Mayor William Donald Schaefer — Mayor Annoyed as we knew him, the angriest, melon-headedest white man in our tarnished state’s political firmament. ”Do It Now,” was Mr. Schaefer’s daily mantra, and while he could be stubborn and bullying at points — and petty and juvenile at his worst moments — he got quite a bit done during his tenure. My city and state could have done a lot worse with more restrained and thoughtful leadership.
But even Mr. Schaefer’s petulance and childishness had its limits. He might read a letter to the editor from a complaining citizen and call that individual in a cranky rage. He might tell reporters off-the-record to go fuck themselves and their editors. He might play every all-in-the-game political angle to reward friends and harm adversaries and take pride in the result. He would not, however, snarl some Maryland traffic purposely, endangering residents of his state, to achieve the most petty kind of payback. He wouldn’t purposely set his state’s performance back for a petty and vicious comeuppance. Mayor Annoyed had spent too many years filling potholes to dig any of his own, for any reason.
For that kind of behavior you need someone really, really small. For the anger and argument to become that self-absorbed and infantile, you need someone with even more selfish insecurity and fractured ego than Mr. Schaefer could offer. You need someone who saw himself as being not only larger than the sum of his constituents, but larger than the commonweal itself. Add in the potential for actually harming innocent people — ambulances unable to reach calls, school buses unable to transport children — and you have something that leaves the Schaefers of the political world entirely incapable. For this kind of petty venality, you have to look to a Huey Long or a Richard Nixon, someone for whom any fealty to democratic processes and public service no longer matters when personal ambition and aggrandizement are at stake.
Think on this: A 91-year-old woman in Fort Lee, New Jersey, unreachable by an ambulance with life-support equipment caught in a traffic jam engineered as Governor Christie’s retribution for the denial of a political endorsement, died later that day at an area hospital. I’d like to know her name. I’d like to see her photograph. I’d like to hear from her family. I’d like the governor to know her name, to see her photograph, to visit with and apologize to her family. He owes them that much.
Because he knew.
If Mr. Christie didn’t order this mayhem himself, then he knew because the aides who achieved this carnage on his behalf were so successful in doing so that they could not have possibly held their silence. Not over the course of four long days of maintaining the traffic snarl in Fort Lee. All of us who have worked in an office, who have experienced institutional hierarchy, who have seen the wages of unthinking loyalty to the boss — we know this much. The same kind of people who would embark on such an action would not be able to do anything but run right down the hall to tell the governor how they had delivered pain to his political enemy. They would then wait on their attaboy. People of that ilk live for the attaboy. Like cats with a fresh-caught mouse, they were bringing home a prize. And there’s no joy for any housecat if the prize can’t be displayed to the master of the house.
I’m sorry for Mr. Christie, who seems in his better moments to be something of a leader. But anger and argument lose all charm when they are employed for stakes so small, stupid and selfish. He knew. And he’s lying about it now.